If you’ve ever gone for HIV Test before, here are the 13 things you can relate to while waiting for the Result.
Go through the list below and have fun!
1. When You Reach The Hospital To Complain
When you reach the hospital to complain of having Malaria only for the nurse to take your blood and say “we will be conducting HIV test for you”
You are like “Aye mi temi ti bami”.. Am finished
2. Then You Start Counting All The Girls You’ve Nacked In Your Life
Then you start counting all the number of ladies you’ve had unprotected sex with and then you start troubleshooting them one after the other.
You are like Shaki, Shukurat, Angelina, Kate, Tayeebat, Stella, Seki, Queen, Shade, Maureen … ha mogbe, the lust is countless.
Then again, you start troubleshooting them again. Can Shaki be HIV Positive? No, She’s fine na. Maureen dates only me and precise she’s clean to her toe, she no fit get HIV joor and so on…
3. Then They Start Lecturing You
Then they start to lecture you on how to live with HIV and the dos and don’ts, then you are like… Wetin Concern una na
4. Then The Person That Did His Own Test Before You Started Crying
Then, the person that did his before you start crying after collecting his result…
You are like, God abeg help me ooooo! I won’t do shit again my life again if am Negative.. You start to Whine God or give him false promises.
5. Then An Aproko Nurse Walk Up To You & Start Narrating Her Family Story
Then one aproko nurse comes in and telling you how she remained virgin till marriage and start consoling you when the result is not even out yet.
And you are life, Do you wish to be Unfortunate? Abi ko fe dafun e ni?
6. And Then The Result Is Out
Then the nurse announce the result and tell you that you are positive.. Ha!
7. Only For Her To Say She Announced The Malaria Result First
Only for her to say she announced the malaria result first.. Then you don’t know whether to strangle her or rejoice
8. Now, You’ve Accepted Your Fate
You already accepted your fate and waiting for her to read the result… Something must kuku kill a man
9. Luckily, You Are HIV Negative
Then the nurse say “You are HIV negative” you are like…. Oya! Won ba e wi ni bi, Wo!
You jumped up and dance mentally.. Ope O! For my life I no go try rubbish again. No condom, no Sex. You promised!
10. On Your Way Home, Then Something Happened
Then on your way out, an aboki now come to advertise strong erectíon pill (burantashi) to you…. You are like, What is the Usage?
I no dey touch human for my life again. God don help me!
11. 3 Days After, You’ve Moved On Already (Shits Starts Again)
3 days after checking your status, you are still calling Yetunde to comman do…
You are like, Yetunde na clean girl na, She no fit get HIV na.
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